Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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