Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
