Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
