Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
