She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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