Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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