That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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