I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
