Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
