dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
