im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
