He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize