you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
