Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
