seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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