I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
