I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
