The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
