im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
