tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
