He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
