If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
