she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
