I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
