I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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