Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
