She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
