OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
