I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
