I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
