apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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