Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
