I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
