ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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