Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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