here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
