I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
