And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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