i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
