Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
