I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
