Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize