We're like a lot better than the average bears
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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