I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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