It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
