Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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