i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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