your parents love me but you hate me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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