Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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