i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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