So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
