I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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