Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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