Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
