Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
