Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
