Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
