True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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