The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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