so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize