beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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