Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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