so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
