I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just threw up on my dentist
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
