Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think my tv is drunk
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
