someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
