im drinking this country out of the recession.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
accomplished twins. life is a go
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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