it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
