What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
