oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
