yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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