so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
