She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
